Uncomfortable Silence [Ed]

[Alphonse Elric]

Silence, just as always, the only sounds that moved through his mind was the familiar crackling of the fireplace, and the light ticking of the grandfather clock that stood in the living room. It was always like this, silent, and yet the silence was not a normal sort of quiet that one would hear, this was a home, a place that should have been filled with warmth, perhaps laughter too, but there was none of that. There was an icy chill, an uncomfortable feeling, and although this was something that was now normality in the Elric household, Alphonse still wished that it was not, that this was merely some sort of horrid dream that he could wake up from, and find himself back in the good times, the times when his brother would talk to him, joke with him, but no matter how many times he closed his eyes, on opening them, he was still here....he was always here.

Alphonse sighed deeply, lifting his fork from the table to jab at the food he had on his plate, his left hand moving to prop up his head as he began moving the food around in a bored fashion. He hadn’t eaten hardly any of it....well....in truth, he hadn’t eaten ANY of it, but that was becoming normality too of late. Things just hadn’t been the same since he and his brother had moved to England, yes, everything had been wonderful at first, Edward had found a job as an engineer, and Alphonse had discovered a love of Physics, and for a time, things had seemed happy enough, but, he had begun to notice small changes in his brother’s behaviour as time went on. It started small, Edward snapping at him occasionally, then came the ignoring, that hurt more than anything else....he didn’t much relish being ignored by his own brother, still, he had tried to let it all go over his head...ignore things himself, but it didn’t work, and things just seemed to escalate....he wanted his brother back.....he wanted to have the light hearted Edward Elric, the one who always made him smile....but it seemed he had left, and Alphonse didn’t want to think about the possibility that he might not be coming back.

The younger Elric lifted his head slightly, staring across the small wooden dining room table at his brother, watching him eat....he seemed normal enough like this didn’t he? Nothing in his appearance had changed, and to the outside world, perhaps he WAS the same as always, but Alphonse knew better....he always knew better. There was another sigh as the younger boy continued to play with the food on his plate, he wanted to talk to him, wanted to strike up a conversation, but what could he say? Strangely nothing really came to mind, he could ask him how his day at work had been, but what would be the point? Would he not come up against that cold ice wall that his brother so loved to put up between them? Still.....he hated the silence, it was suffocating....and honestly, he couldn’t take it anymore. Alphonse wet his lips slightly, his throat suddenly seeming incredibly dry as he formed words on his tongue, rolling them around, saying them in his mind, before he finally plucked up the courage, unfortunately, he only managed one word. “....brother....” he said quietly, grey eyes remaining focussed on his plate....if he didn’t look up....he wouldn’t lose the nerve to talk.

[kouji]

Edward looked up, his mouth full of food he shot Al 'A Very Mean Look'. "What?" came the single monotone answer. He did not want to be bothered right now. He was thinking about what life had been before all this happened. It was annoying and he wanted to do alchemy not engineering.

That was what made him so irratible all the time, he hated his job right now, he basically hated the world at the present moment.. He was very irritabel and depressed and though he hated the way Al looked at him with sadness and sometimes even fear or longing he snapped at his younger sibling anyway. He beat himself up over it later, he always did. It never failed. But, he was mean and there was no excuse or explaination of why

[Alphonse Elric]

Alphonse raised his head slightly, but wished he hadn’t when he saw his brother’s expression....he didn’t have to know what he was thinking to know that look, a look of annoyance, anger, and right now it was directed at him. Instinctively the younger boy lowered his head again, looking back at his plate....at least his food didn’t glare at him. "What?" It was a flat reply on Edward’s part and for a long moment Alphonse sat in that uncomfortable silence. What? Yes, what did he want? What did he want to say? There was so much he wished he could say, wished he had the nerve to tell him....ask him exactly why he was being so distant....and snappy for one, but he figured that there would probably be no answer to that particular question and instead decided to delve into the depths of his mind to find something that would gain a somehow positive response.

He tried to say something again, tried to fight the queasy feeling in his stomach, the one that had prevented him from eating his own food...no matter how hungry he felt. “...I......” he started to speak but trailed off and frowned slightly, why was this so difficult? “.....is everything........ok....?” he asked quietly, looking back at him finally.

[kouji]

"Tch..." was the elder Elric's only reply. He hated the look of absolute defeat on Al's face. The sadness tore at his very being... He had always hated seeing Alphonse upset in any way.. Now it was worse for he was causing the sadness.

Edward stared somewhat exasperated at himself thought it looked liek he was thatw ay with Al. "Not really." he finally answered, but he said no more on teh subject. In truth nothing was all right.. By snapping like this he continiously hurt Al how was anything okay?

[Alphonse Elric]

Alphonse frowned, it seemed Edward’s responses were as cold as ever....but then should he have expected anything less? No....perhaps he shouldn’t, but Alphonse was an optimistic boy, and as far as he was concerned there was always the chance, the hope, that things would be good, that Edward would maybe smile, offer him a friendly word rather that the ones that dripped with anger and somehow pain. For a moment if seemed as though that small sound of annoyance was the only reply the younger Elric would receive and he sighed deeply, putting his fork down on the plate before him, leaning back in his chair a little. "Not really." At those words Alphonse seemed to spring to life again and he looked back at his brother. “....what’s wrong?” he asked inquisitively hoping for an answer to this riddle.

[kouji]

Edward stared should he tell Al.. No, it would only worry him and while he hated the saddened looks he really hated to have his overly eager and happy-go-lucky brother worry about anything. "Nothing that concerns anyone else..." Edward finally snapped. He flinched inside himself for causing this type of pain to Al though.. He'd apoligize later.. Maybe, he'd find a way to explain his actions. Tch and maybe the sky would turn black and his nose would fall off. Like he'd ever do that. 0h he'd think of a way to explain. Sure, no worries there. But, as for actually telling Al, forget it. It would never happen.. But he wanted Al to remain happy without worrying over what was happening in a dream for cryin' out loud. It didn't make sense to him so how would it make sense to anyone else?

[Alphonse Elric]

Was he doing something wrong in wanting to know what was bothering him? No, no he told himself that much wasn’t true, Edward was his brother, the only family he had left, it was right that he should worry when he was so unlike himself. He tried not to force the issue more often than not, but he did sometimes try and confront him on his behaviour, trying desperately to get to the bottom of it all, to solve this never ending puzzle....but it never got him anything besides harsh words and a rather steely glare. The last confrontation with his brother hadn’t ended all that well, Alphonse’s questions had finally worn him out to the point he couldn’t take it anymore and in a fit of anger Edward had put his auto-mail fist through the plaster wall......that had been the first moment that Alphonse had felt fear....fear that it could so easily have been him that his brother had struck...but he wouldn’t do that...would he?

He didn’t know what to think anymore, everything really was like a dream, or perhaps he was merely seeing things from someone else’s point of view, like he wasn’t really here, and half the time he wished he wasn’t just to escape the silence.....but he wanted to keep trying...for Edward’s sake, if not for his own. "Nothing that concerns anyone else..." That frown returned as the younger Elric heard his brother’s reply, once again it seemed he had come up against that mental barrier of his, the wall he tried so hard to keep erect, but Alphonse was sure he could see some cracks beginning to show....and maybe, maybe if he just kept trying, eventually that wall would crumble to dust, leaving his brother open.....but did he really want that either? He was so confused. “....brother, why won’t you tell me anything?” he asked quietly, pushing his plate forward sharply on the table in a momentary show of frustration.

[kouji]

Edward glanced dully at Al... "Don't worry so much." he finally said. He glanced at Al's full plate. "Eat, so you won't get sick." he directed getting up. "I'm going to bed." he added, teh dark circles under his eyes signaled exhaustion from a total lack of sleep.

Edward sighed unhappily as he lay face-down in his pillow. He hated hiding thigs from Al. He did want to explain what was bothering him, but let's get real. Tell his baby brother he's scared of a few bad dreams. Yeah sure, and maybe Dante would turn out to be a kind and loving person and he'd marry Roy Mustang.

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"Look out, Winry!" he yelled as he saw someone, no something chasing her. He screamed as he fell down a deep rivine while trying to save her and with luck he landed ona asoft small hill.. No, not a hill.. But, a mound of mangled bodies.
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Edward shot up in bed, sweat pouring off of him in waves. Yes, he was right to protect Al from such gruesome images.He wanted his brother to remain optomistic so telling him was definately out of the question. he got up and got dressed. Maybe a walk in the crisp midnight air woudl help cool him off and calm him down. He ended up, asleep outside, underneath a willow tree.

[Alphonse Elric]

A deep sigh left the younger Elric’s lips and he once again returned to his silence with a frown, slumping back in his chair, grey eyes lowered to look at his hands in his lap.....why was he telling him not to worry? He should have known full well that he would worry regardless of what he told him, even if he said he was fine, even if he said there was nothing wrong, he knew that those words were a lie, a falsification merely to sate his anxious mind. "Eat, so you won't get sick." At those words Alphonse looked back at his plate, the food had already become cold and the juice from the meat was starting to congeal into a rather unpleasant looking jelly, frankly, looking at it made him feel nauseous and he turned his head away from it, folding his arms across his chest, that frown remaining on his face.

"I'm going to bed." Alphonse looked back to see his brother rise from his chair and he opened his mouth to say something in protest but nothing but a small strangled sound left his lips before he rose from the table watching his brother leave. In some minor frustration the younger Elric slammed his fist down on the table before falling back into his seat, staring up at the ceiling with a worried expression. He was doing it again, it was almost like Edward was avoiding the conversation, avoiding any further questions that Alphonse may have for him, yet, it occurred to him, that no matter how much sleep Edward seemed to be getting...he always looked immensely tired...and that in itself was a worry, and one of many. “...Why won’t you talk to me?” he whispered as he looked back at the dining table, glancing at Edward’s empty plate before falling on his own full one...well....it seemed it hadn’t made him lose his appetite....though the same could not be said for himself.....he was beginning to wish he had his brothers resilience.

He wasn’t quite sure how, or when he had become tired, or when he had dressed himself into his pyjamas before slipping silently beneath the covers on his bed, but it seemed he had fallen asleep all the same, and seemingly in a trance like state. Yawning widely Alphonse sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes slightly.....midnight......he had been asleep for, what, three hours maybe? Somehow it had seemed longer. With another yawn he kicked off his sheet, rolling out of bed before heading over to his bedroom door, his mouth was dry, and his tongue managed to stick to the dryness, perhaps it would have been wise to take a glass of water to bed with him, but it had obviously not been a thought that was high on his priority list, but then why should it be? Leaving his room, Alphonse passed quietly by his brothers, not even registering that the door was wide open, when it was usually closed but as he came to the kitchen he paused suddenly, backing up towards the room, eyes growing wide as he noted his brother’s absence.

“...brother?” he said with a shocked tone before moving to the kitchen, then the living room. There was no sign of him, and that only increased the younger boy’s worries......he couldn’t have.......Alphonse looked to the front door and bolted across the living room, throwing the door open in a panic to look outside, the chill of the night air caught him, and he found himself shivering somewhat....but he didn’t care......he just wanted to find his brother. As it happened he did not have to look very far, there, beneath the confines of the willow tree that stood within the grounds of the flats, was Edward, fast asleep. Alphonse breathed a sigh of relief and hugged himself for warmth as he approached his brother slowly, watching him for a long moment before kneeling beside him. “Brother.......brother, wake up” he said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder to shake him lightly.

[kouji]

Edward's eyes fluttered, "What?" he asked in a groggy tone. He was still half-asleep and very very tired. He blinked at Al's shivering and getting up, placed his red coat over the boy's shoulders. "Try not to get sick." he directed.

He yawned. "Sorry. I was hot so I came outside." he explained lamely, though it was not by any means teh complete truth. He looked at Al, worry plain in his gaze. "C'mon back inside before we both get sick." he added in a softer tone. "Look, don't worry about me quite so much." eh said in a soft tone.

[Alphonse Elric]

Alphonse frowned at his brother watching him stir from his sleep before he saw concern seem to wash over his face, concern for him. "Try not to get sick." The younger Elric flinched a little when Edward placed his coat over him and for a moment he seemed to be in some sort of shock.....there he was, concerned for his brother’s safety, worrying out of his mind, her he was acting as though nothing were wrong, that nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. "Sorry. I was hot so I came outside." He stood slowly, staring at his brother for a moment before pulling the coat tighter about his shoulders, that was the reasoning he had? That he was hot? There had to be more to it.....there was always more to it, even if Edward plainly denied that fact, Alphonse knew. "C'mon back inside before we both get sick." Alphonse moved away from his brother slightly, his breath leaving a misty trail of fog in the night air. “....I’m not going to get sick.....” he said flatly, his gaze lowering to stare at his feet....his bare cold feet.

[kouji]

Edward blinked, "0kay." he said softly. Edward ran a hand through his hair, "I know I'm being a jerk... But I can no more explain what's bothering me than I can go live on mars." he said bluntly. "Know this... My worries are my own..." eh said softly, "I won't burden you nor anyone else with petty fears." he added, taking Al's hand. For just a moment, a singel second, a spark lit up in Ed's eyes singaling the return of happier times. But it dulled as quickly as it got there. He tehn dropped Al's hand and walked bakc inside. Same old walls, same mental barrier. Nothing had changed.

[Alphonse Elric]

A jerk? Frankly that hardly covered it, but Alphonse was so confused, so tormented by his brothers actions....that somehow he always forgave him, always thinking it was merely....because of him, that he had somehow made his brother this way. "Know this... My worries are my own..." Why did he have to do that? Why did he always have to deal with everything by himself? He couldn’t understand it, so many times he had tried to get information from him, and even now, he was failing once again, it seemed no matter how hard he pushed, Edward’s barriers never fell. As his brother touched his hand Alphonse frowned, staring into those golden eyes with a look of confusion and somehow hope, he searched his eyes....trying to find something more within them, but that oh so brief spark that flitted across their surface was gone so quickly, almost as quickly as Edward’s touch.

As Edward walked back inside Alphonse stared after him, his head telling him to run after him, to try and get him to say something more, anything, make him confess.....but his heart, though it wanted answers, told him to leave back...wait....always wishing that Edward would tell him himself in due course....but it wasn’t happening, and in the end, it was Alphonse’s head that won out. “Brother wait!” he cried running back inside quickly, dropping the coat that Edward had placed around his shoulders in the corridor. “Why do you always want to deal with things on your own? Why won’t you let me in for once?” he asked, blurting out as many questions as he possibly could in the short time he would no doubt have. Would he answer the questions? Doubtful, but all he could do was try, all he ever did was try, asking questions, subtle hints....and nothing so far had worked, so what difference would it make now, if he asked more questions?

[kouji]

Edward gazed at Al... "If I told you what's bothering me... Several possible scenarios woudl happen." he mused. "0ne, you'd tell em how stupid it was to fret over it. Two, It would actually be real. Three, itmight be you next. 0r four we end up seperated... Again." he added softly. "No my secrets this time around are my own. I am sorry it's troubling you though." he added walking bakc inside.

[Alphonse Elric]

Alphonse’s frown deepened, why did Edward seem to think that telling him could only end in tragedy? Did he not think for one moment that Alphonse might actually be able to help? That he could do something? Edward had always insisted on doing everything alone, something that had more than once irked the younger Elric, they were brothers, they shared everything. Ever since that day all those years ago, Edward had spouted time and time again that all they had was each other, and if they didn’t look out for one another no one would, and yet not, now it seemed his brother’s whole outlook on that had changed dramatically, did he no longer care? All those promises made and broken, a chain that was supposed to hold strong, sliced neatly like a knife through butter until all that was left, was one empty promise after another.

The younger Elric moved quickly grabbing Edward by the arm as he moved once more refusing to let him leave...not yet, he would keep trying, he wasn’t giving up so easily, no matter the walls that Edward was trying desperately to keep erected between them right now. “You’re sorry? If you’re sorry why don’t you just tell me!?” he cried his grip on his brother’s arm tightening somewhat with his emotions. “You always say sorry! But you don’t mean it! You keep secrets from me, you won’t tell me anything anymore! What did I do wrong brother!? At least tell me that!”.