Dreams [Edward for a moment]

[Alphonse Elric]

It was fairly dark within the confines of the Elric’s flat, the only semblance of light came from the lamp that stood besides the sofa, its soft luminescent glow, hovering over the room, lighting about as far as the edge of the coffee table before it dissipated into nothing, the rest of the room plunged into darkness from there. The clock in the room chimed out the last remaining seconds of the current time, midnight, and the house was still. The sleeping form of Alphonse Elric lay sprawled across the sofa, his light brown hair covered his face slightly, right arm curled under him, propping his head up, acting as his pillow, his left hanging over the edge of the sofa, his fingers still clasped around the edge of a book that hung loosely from his hand. He had been reading, trying to keep himself awake, awaiting his brothers return from work, he had wanted to stay up, wanted to talk to him, but somewhere between reading and the constant yawning he had been doing, he had closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Things had not been going so well between him and his brother of late, Edward was being evasive, thinking up any excuse he could to get out of having to spend too much time talking with him, and it bothered Alphonse greatly. They had always been close, had always shared everything, and yet...it seemed of late, that Edward was keeping secrets from him, becoming reclusive, and that just wasn’t like him at all, where was the brother he used to know? The one who would share in his dreams, would tell him if something was bothering him, it seemed that since they had moved to England, nothing had been the same. Jayne was finally getting better, when everything else just seemed to be getting worse....and some things were out of his control. Alphonse shifted slightly on the sofa, his hand finally relinquishing the book to the floor, it fell open, the pages crumpling slightly, but of course, he was too busy sleeping to mind, sleeping and dreaming. A smile spread across his lips as he sighed in his sleep, murmuring something inaudible, he was at least at peace in his dreams, even if his mind was troubled in waking.

A beautiful countryside, the sounds of birds chirping amongst the grassland, it was all so real, he could almost reach out and touch that grass, and feel the coolness beneath his fingertips, but he wasn’t alone, no, there was someone with him. Those grey eyes trailed to ones of sapphire hue, and he smiled, a blush flowing over his cheeks, he was happy, happier than he had been in a while, here...with her, everything, all the bad feelings, the worry, it all seemed to melt away until there was nothing left, but joy. He was thankful that he had met her, that their paths had crossed and merely over a book, but it was not any book really, it was a physics book, and to find a girl who was as equally interested in his new found favourite subject...well, that in itself was a wondrous thing. “Jayne.....” he murmured softly, that smile spreading across his face more as he moved, turning over so that he faced the ceiling, his left hand moving to lay across his stomach, his right arm jutting out over the sofa, his hand relaxed. At least here, within the confines of his dreams, he could be happy, and forget about his worries, if only for a short time.

[gearr]

It rained softly onto the blond who trudged slowly along, it was somewhat chilly and the blond had undoubtedly been walking like this without any destination, with his only reason being evasion, evasion of Al. He knew his brother would want to talk, he wanted to know what was wrong with his older brother, yet to Ed this simply fuelled his pain, it strengthened that maddening infuriation that was soon to take him fully into its clutches. He knew he was hurting his brother by doing this, but it was better than telling him, if Al knew… If Al knew… It would do to he what it was doing to Edward, he couldn’t allow that, no matter how much he wished to give his younger brother the information he wanted so much he just couldn’t… Instead he snapped at him, pushed him away. Edward was destroying their relationship piece by piece, and that was only adding to the turmoil in his mind. He hated himself more than any could understand, it was pushing him to the point of madness, yet he couldn’t stop it…

With a defeated sigh he changed his path toward the flat he shared with his brother, the one who was probably fast asleep, that was what Ed wanted though, wasn’t it? Perhaps, he didn’t know anymore though… He was so confused now; he just didn’t know what to think of anything anymore, things were hard for him, so damn hard… If only he could find a way… A way to make it all stop, he felt like he was going crazy… He was hurting Al, hurting the one person who had always been there for him, how could he do that?! Was he so far gone that he just didn’t care anymore?... Al would be better off without him, if he wasn’t there then he wouldn’t have to worry, but he couldn’t leave, if only to be selfish. Al was perhaps the only thing that kept him going, despite his own coldness to Al he was thankful to him, but only for being there. He didn’t appreciate the interrogations his brother seemed to insist on putting him through, and so when he found Al asleep when he got home he was pleased to say the least.

Removing his coat he silently hung it up, watching as the book fell out of his brother’s hand. With a light sigh he shook his head before silently walking to his room, he wasn’t going to dry his hair, there was little need to after all, he was only going to sleep… With him that would probably only be for around an hour or so, if he was lucky… He knew tonight would be no different, and as he lowered himself onto the bed changed to sleep, he couldn’t help but cringe at the thought… What had he done to deserve this? Surely he couldn’t have done anything to merit this punishment, no form of equivalence was worth this… What on earth could he have gained for this?!... Unless he had gained Al, perhaps because Al had come through with him he had been forced to give something as valuable as that was to him, wasn’t being taken from Amestris enough?!

Shaking his head from those thoughts he sighed and pulled the covers over his head, as if trying to block out the now hated world… It didn’t mater anyway, it wouldn’t matter shortly as sleep overcame him, then he knew things would go from bad to worse. That was a thought that paid as cursed mind no comfort… He just wanted it to stop, all of it to stop… The nightmares, the pain, the fear and the hurt, he just wanted it all to end. Was that really that much to ask?

None of it mattered though he thought dimly as that dreaded sleep overcame him, it would only be a short while before the slight grimaces that already flickered across his face became full blown… Cries of pain and flinches started first, eyes wandering aimlessly with REM, though it soon escalated into shouting and kicking about fearful. To any present it would look like someone kicked him in the gut, the young man looked to be in physical pain as he slept. Indeed Edward was in pain, though not one that was tangible, it was in his mind, ripping him apart without relent. In his sleeping mind terrible images flashed before him, Amestris, London… People he knew and cared for were all there… They were all in danger… They were all… “Agh!” Hitting the floor heavily his eyes skittered across the room, fear, shock and pain plainly seen… Where… What was going on?

Shifting to his knees he rested his head against the floor whilst wrapping his arms around himself. “Why… Why is this happening?!” Glaring at the floor a terrible tremor ran through him as he held back a choking sob… It was pitiful how someone as strong as he, the once Fullmetal Alchemist, had been reduced to this, but how could anyone blame him? For months every night he’d been plagued by terrible visions, visions of London and Amestris… He just wanted it all to stop!

[Alphonse Elric]

It felt good....to be here with her, to see her smile....to hear her laughter, light and airy as it always was....a perfect angel in his mind...and twice as beautiful. He was happy....for the moment at least, but all too soon he would have to wake from his dream, and be subjected to the real world once again, the world where things so often went wrong....seemingly just for him. There was perhaps a time when Edward would have teased him over his all too obvious feelings for Jayne, torturing him occasionally with a few well chosen words that would make anyone cringe....but.....now, now he was subjecting his brother to far worse torture than anything like that. The silence...it would eat at him as he watched Edward sit there silently across from him at the dinner table, a newspaper sprawled in front of him most of the time as he ate, eyes not even glancing in his direction....he didn’t seem to notice Alphonse’s obvious concern...that or he did not care, he had noticed that change in his brother, the coldness of his words when he did endeavour to speak to him.....it was almost as though he were another person.

“....urgh....” The younger Elric stirred, shifting on the sofa somewhat as he moved his arm to lay it across his eyes, shielding them from the lamp at the side of the sofa....it was so bright...or it seemed to be from his point of view. He removed his arm slowly, keeping his eyes tightly shut as he frowned somewhat, coming around from his sleep some more before he finally began to open his eyes, blinking a couple of times before he rubbed them, yawning widely. Alphonse screwed his eyes up slightly as he tried to regain his vision, trying to make out the time on the clock, he craned his neck somewhat before it finally came into focus enough for him to be able to see it. “Three.....” he said quietly another yawn passing over his lips as he raised his hand to his mouth, stretching shortly after as he lay back down on the sofa, well, there was no need for him to be awake now, it did not even click with him, that it was past the time his brother was due to arrive him, his mind still not fully aware of its surrounding. The peacefulness of that waking moment was shattered when he heard shouting....he did not register it, reading it as simply part of his dreams....until it got louder.

“......brother.....” he said half dazed still as he once again sat up, his fringe flopping in his eyes as he listened for the sounds, still unsure whether he was awake or not, until he heard that loud thud, and it jolted his senses waking him almost fully as he came to realise what he was hearing. Swallowing hard the younger Elric got up from the sofa, rubbing his eyes again in a weary manner before he made his way towards his brother’s room, his steps unsure as he tried to shake off the remnants of sleep long enough to walk in a straight line. He stood then, outside his brother’s door, his mind awakening fully as he listened quietly, muffled words sounding through the door....was he alright? It seemed he had come home after all....and gone straight to bed, well...that had ruined his plan, for if he had not fallen asleep he would have hadhis chance to speak with him...and maybe get something in reply for a change instead of that glare, the one that told him to back down, to forget it...but he couldn’t. One thing Alphonse could not do, was ignore the fact that Edward was in pain....he was his brother, he wanted to help him....but he seemed to be meeting with distain every time he tried. Plucking up some courage the younger Elric knocked on Edward’s door, swallowing hard, feeling his heart beat quicken. “Brother....are you okay?” he asked through the door, his voice filled with concern.