Chapter 2
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It had started to rain on the walk back from the library, it was funny how the one time he had forgotten his coat it had decided to do so. Alphonse walked along the high street, his shoulders hunched up slightly, his arms wrapped around his chest, clinging to the book he had checked out of the library, trying his best to keep it dry. He was already half soaked, his hair clinging to the sides of his face as the rain dripped down it, and yet, despite the weather, he, at least for the moment, wore a smile upon his lips. It was strange but since he had departed from the library....he hadn’t stopped thinking...thinking about her....Jayne. She had been so kind, so understanding about it all....he kept replaying those moments in his mind, the attraction between them was all too obvious, but perhaps not so obvious as it seemed.
Alphonse wasn’t sure, his feelings somewhat mixed on the situation, it was just friendly...yes, that was all it was....or so he told himself, choosing to misread that look in her eyes, the signals his own body was sending, the flush that had spread across her cheeks, and his own, but....that was merely because of the situation wasn’t it? It was...difficult, to comprehend it all, in the time he had been here, Alphonse had made few friends, it seemed almost impossible to find people with similar interests, and truthfully to begin with, he had been somewhat homesick, but after a while, he had adjusted, at least for the most part. The rain sliding down his fringe and into his eyes caused him to flinch somewhat, and his hand moved sharply, wiping a few strands away, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes of the excess water...well, it could have been worse...couldn’t it?
He turned the corner quickly, speeding up his pace somewhat as he headed towards the flat which he shared with his brother, it was small, and at times it seemed quite cramped, but it was at least well kept, though that was mostly due to his efforts. Edward seemed to be becoming incredibly messy of late, admittedly he had never been particularly tidy to begin with, but he had never been this bad. There were often papers left strewn around the living room, papers with Edward’s scrawled handwriting, which had obviously been done in a rush, or some frustration, of course he had not read any of them, not wishing to intrude on his brother’s privacy....but he wanted to all the same. He would tidy them, lay them in a neat pile on the coffee table, and usually by the next day they were gone, Edward obviously having taken them, it made Alphonse wonder.....was he hiding something from him?
Alphonse’s smile faded, and he frowned somewhat, hugging the book somewhat tighter to his chest. Edward hadn’t been himself of late, he didn’t understand it, didn’t know the reason, but....it was almost as though....he didn’t want him around. If he tried to ask him what was wrong, he would snap at him, anger rising out of nowhere, sometimes he would even ignore him all together, either by pretending to read, or simply walking out of the room without so much as a word. To have anger directed at him was one thing....but the silence, to be ignored by his own brother....it was suffocating at times. These two things were bad in themselves, but the one thing that bothered him the most through it all, was the fact that he was becoming scared.....of Edward.
Forgetting his thoughts for the moment he ran up the steps to the flat, placing his key in the door before pushing it open, stepping inside, closing the door quietly behind him. He sighed lightly shivering somewhat at the dampness of his clothes, he inspected the book then, checking it for any damage...it was a little wet, but nothing that would cause any permanent damage at least. The familiar crackling of wood within the fireplace caught his attention, and Alphonse turned to stare into the living room....Edward was home? Alphonse removed his shoes quickly, placing them by the coat rack in the hallway before moving into the living room, grey eyes falling on his brother almost instantly. Edward was seated in the armchair near the fireplace, a newspaper obscuring his face, it was unusual for him to be home this early. Alphonse looked to the clock on the wall, then back at his brother with a somewhat confused and yet intrigued expression.
“Brother, how come you’re home early?” he asked.
The older Elric paused to look up from the newspaper as he lowered it somewhat, a vague look of shock momentarily flitting through his golden eyes… he hadn’t expected Alphonse home so early either, if he had known that he would be returning from the library at this hour he would have delayed his return home from work further. He knew full well this was going to lead to some form of interrogation on Al’s part, it always seemed as though he was trying to push his way into his mind, to try and force answers he sought from him, but this only served to fuel the older Elric’s anger....couldn’t he simply drop it? Understand that he did not wish to talk, instead of hounding him.
“Is there a law against such?…” he said that voice that had once held a somewhat goofy warmth had become receded and cold, almost a void within itself.
Alphonse watched his brother quietly, noting that moment of shock that seemed to pass over his eyes, before he saw it, that anger...though Edward’s expression was calm, he knew all too well what his brother held within him...his eyes said it all. He frowned to his words sighing deeply, his arms moving to fold over his chest in a somewhat comforting manner.
“No....I was just surprised” he said quietly, lowering his eyes as he shifted his weight slightly onto his left foot. There was that uncomfortable silence again, the coldness that was all too obvious, and all of it resonated from his brother....he didn’t understand it, what had he done to deserve this resentment?
Edward carefully studied his brother’s reaction, golden eyes tiredly taking everything in before allowing a slip of worry to come through and mix in with the annoyance. Why the hell hadn’t he taken a coat with him? Surely it had been apparent that it was going to rain at some point what with the darkening clouds. In some ways it seemed as if nature itself had mood swings, it was something Al should have known thought about though. Edward sighed deeply, Al was a damn fool to have gone without a coat, yet he was his damn fool, his brother. It was because of this that even through the pain he felt, he still fostered worry for the younger Elric. Nothing would ever change that…no number of blood filled battles or lives lost would ever change that. Still, it had been a bull-headed thing to do, and this only aided to fuel the older brothers anger filled annoyance.
Silence....why wasn’t he saying anything? Why was he just staring at him? The only sound he heard was the crackling of the fireplace, and even that did little to fill the void...he wanted him to talk, he wanted him to say something anything...but it seemed Edward said more with his eyes these days than he did with his mouth. He could see it there, the annoyance, did he hate him so? Things hadn’t been the same between them in such a long time, rarely did his brother endeavour to speak with him, even when he was sitting right beside him at the dining room table, he would always read....it seemed that was his excuse for the lack of communication, and it saddened Alphonse greatly.
“How.....” his voice was but a whisper as he swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of the lump that stuck within his throat, attempting to swallow his emotions down.
“How was work?” he asked finally, trying once again to talk with him...always trying.
Edward gave yet another of his long pauses, one which would cause yet another intolerable rift within the very being of the room… Or at least, it would be intolerable for all but Edward; he however saw it as a welcome reprieve. The silence was something he could simply lose himself in, it was a place where no one expected aught from him. In the bitter nothingness he was free to wallow in his own self-pity, one which seemed to grow with each passing day, one which was gradually mutating into something far more grotesque than mere pity… It was becoming a mix of fear and anger. In some ways the blond was becoming a cornered dog, and right now the one cornering him was his own brother.
It was fight or flight time.
“No worse than usual” he grunted before folding his arms to look away. How long would it be before Al got the message that Edward did not want to talk? How long would it be before he just let it go? Huh, Edward held it in reasonable confidence that Alphonse would not let it drop, he had changed very little since coming to this place. He at least was still untainted by the troubled pain he himself was currently suffering.
Edward’s reaction bothered him and once again there was that awkward silence, why did it have to be this way? What had happened to the brother he used to know? The one who used to tell him everything, who shared in his dreams....what had happened to change him so dramatically that he would treat him with such distain? Alphonse’s hugged himself a little tighter feeling the very temperature in the room seem to drop, and he shuddered violently, though mostly due to the dampness of his clothing, perhaps he should have changed, perhaps he should have left things alone, but....Edward was his brother, the only family he had left...he didn’t want to lose him too.
“Brother......” he said quietly, grey eyes lowering to stare at the floor...couldn’t he see how much pain he was in? Or perhaps....he just didn’t care?
Brother, one word that meant so much. Time shared, dreams shared, goals accomplished, to Edward ‘brother’ meant far more than simple blood relations. Or it had at one point. Now the term ‘brother’ was just a painful reminder of times gone by, of a life he had loved and lost, of what once was and could have been… He just wanted to forget, forget everything. Why did things have to be this way?! It would be easier, so much easier, if he could just let it go, let it all go… If he could do that then perhaps… Perhaps he would no longer be Edward Elric, he would be someone else. A stranger in Edward’s body, but, was that not what he was now?
“What? What do you want from me?” His voice was barely audible to any listening. Sure enough he saw his brothers pain, even now he still saw what his brother truly felt… It was this pain he inflicted that tore at him the most. Al was his brother! What kind of monster was he becoming if he could do this to the one he cared for most?! Still, it was better than the truth…
Though it was quiet Alphonse heard it, and he felt pain ricochet through his body...what did he want? If only he knew! He wanted him to talk to him...something more than what he received, he wanted to be able to tell him things...to ask his advice....but that wasn’t going to happen was it, no matter how hard he pushed at Edward’s defences, the walls never seemed to fall. His stomach churned uncomfortably, that uneasy feeling, it rose to his throat, causing him to swallow hard as he tried....tried not to cry.....the salty water that stung his eyes causing him to blink rapidly for a moment, fighting them back with all the strength he held within.....why? It was the same question he repeated to himself over and over....and yet it never seemed to gain an answer.
“...Just.......Just forget it!” he cried storming out of the room in frustration and sadness.....he wouldn’t let him see him cry...not now.
Pain filled regret filled him as he watched his brother, his only family, he didn’t want this. He didn’t want any of this, if only he could forget it. If only if only, what bloody good were If only’s!? How the hell did they help!? They didn’t, nothing did…he just felt so....so cold. He knew it wasn’t an iciness that any amount of fire could fix, besides, play with fire and you’re gonna get burned. Perhaps that’s what had happened, perhaps he had played with the metaphorical fire once to often and this was his burn, the dammed fool he was. Giving a disgruntled sigh as his brother marched away he watched his back leave the room.
“Al…. I’m sorry, so, so sorry.” It was these words that no other would ever hear. Though he had said them the voice he had used was less than a whisper. He really was sorry, even if in his induced madness he couldn’t show it his heart was still there.
And it was sorry.
~*~
Sunlight poured in from the window in the younger Elric’s bedroom, casting its glow slowly across the floor as the hours passed before finally it settled upon his bed, leaving him to mumble softly as he shifted pulling the pillow over his head as he tried to shut out the light. Morning already? It felt as though he had only been asleep for an hour or two, even though he knew it had been longer...still....there was little point staying in bed...no matter how much he wanted to. Alphonse removed the pillow from his head, his hair now a complete mess from his actions, he shook his head, sitting up slightly, his left hand propping him up as he rubbed at his eyes with his right, frowning slightly to the sunshine...why did it have to be so bright? A light yawn left him as he sat up properly, grey eyes opening for the first time as he blinked slowly, trying to adjust to the light before his eyes trailed down to his body....it seemed he had slept in his clothes which still held some dampness, if he was honest he didn’t really remember falling asleep...how tired must he have been not to change out of his wet clothing?
Well....it hadn’t been a pleasant evening....not in the least, he had cried quietly...away from his brother, he didn’t want him to see him cry...Alphonse didn’t want to show him just how much pain he was truly in, yet he knew some of it was obvious when his brother would look at him...it seemed his body could betray his thoughts at times. He didn’t understand it all, and sometimes he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to...true, he wanted his brother back the way he had been, wanted to see him smile at him once more, or to hear him laugh....but he never laughed anymore, and he never smiled....was there any point in trying to regain something that seemed so far gone? Yes.....there was always a point, always hope, something that Alphonse always held on to, he would always believe that there was something he could do, even if he had to come against Edward’s defences, be beaten back along the way...he would always try....always.
Alphonse stood from his bed, stretching his arms above his head feeling the bones in his arms click before he threw them down again, swinging them back and forth for a moment as a smile passed over his lips. It seemed that regardless of the previous evenings difficulties he was happy, after all, it did little to dwell on things for too long, but Edward was a problem that needed to be resolved....he just wasn’t quite sure how yet. Running a hand through his fringe to try and at least have it in a bearable tidiness, the younger Elric walked over to his bedroom door, opening it slowly to peer out into the corridor, instantly there was a shiver that ran down his spine as he felt the coldness drift in...why was it always colder out there than in his bedroom? Shrugging the young teen opened the door widely, rolling his shoulders a little before he stepped out into the corridor, eyes briefly glancing to the door to his brothers room before he sighed lightly making his way to the living room.
Well at least it wasn’t raining this morning, and that was something to be thankful for, he hadn’t much relished the soaking he had received the day before, but, if he went out today, he would be taking his coat with him...just in case. Alphonse stopped dead at the doorway to the living room, his jaw dropping ever so slightly before he gained a look of mild annoyance and shook his head lightly. There on the sofa lay Edward, fast asleep, his hair loose, but that wasn’t what bothered Alphonse....it was the paperwork all over the floor that touched a nerve.
“Brother....” he said quietly, gaining a small smile but a moment later, oh well, it could have been a lot worse than a pile of papers. Keeping that smile the younger Elric moved over to the sofa, setting about his work as he picked up the papers one by one, why did he have to be so untidy? Honestly, would it have hurt him to put them in a nice neat pile?
Alphonse’s eyes barely noted anything on the pages before him, he was conscientious of his brother’s privacy....even though he longed to know exactly what he was writing, true, he had glanced at one or two of the sheets but nothing really stood out amongst the chicken scratch that was Edward’s frustrated handwriting....it really didn’t make much sense at all. Suddenly he stopped, his hand poised over one sheet of paper as grey eyes widened somewhat....what.....was that...no. Picking the sheet up slowly, the younger Elric stared at the words on the page, there, scrawled across the paper in large handwriting was the word....AMESTRIS.
“......what?.....” frankly he was too surprised to think of anything to say to it....why was....why was Edward writing about Amestris?
It was the warm glow of light on his face and that singular word of his brother that at last awakened Edward, and one would have been terribly surprised at the speed at which he did so. In some ways it seemed the older brother knew that his privacy was being invaded, as the speed to which he rolled off the sofa was one that was seemingly anger filled and full of clumsiness.
“Get off it!” He barked just after he heavily hit the floor and staggered to his feet.
“It has nothing to do with you!” Slashing a mechanical arm through the air he marched heavily toward his brother, a searing irritation evident even in his steps. Obviously that information on the paper was private, what the hell had Al been thinking?! It had absolutely nothing to do with him! Damn fool, why the hell couldn’t he just back off, that’s all Edward wanted from him. He didn’t want pity, he didn’t want anyone’s help, he wanted to be left alone! God damn it, what was it with people? No, he knew, dammit he knew exactly what was wrong. People were selfish; as long as they thought they were doing the right thing they were happy, it was all about peace of mind to them… They just wanted to be happy…
“Give it here…” Standing in front of his brother Edward held out an expectant hand. He would get it back, even if he had to take it there was no doubt that he’d get it. It was his after all, thus Al had no right to argue the matter, even if the young boy did he’d likely lose… Edward’s temper had never been a good thing to be on the end of, but lately it had gotten far, far worse. Hell, sometimes it ended to the point where he felt he was no longer in control of his own body. He really didn’t care though, if getting angry got him his papers back then so be it, it would be Al’s fau… No… Actually it wouldn’t. Edward knew far too well that it wouldn’t be the fault of his younger brother, it would be his fault. It was always his fault. It was his fault they were stuck here, his fault Al was suffering… It was all his fault, and for that he hated himself more than anyone would ever know.
Alphonse moved back slightly as he saw his brother move on the sofa from the corner of his eye, his head moving sharply to look as Edward collided with the floor with an almighty thud, but it didn’t seem to stop him. He was...surprised to say the least, his eyes wide as he held the papers to his chest....why...why was he shouting at him in this manner? The younger Elric swallowed hard as his heart rate increased, some minor fear rising at his brother’s reactions. It had all been innocent, he hadn’t read anything other than one word...was that such a crime? It made him wonder just what was written upon the pages, it was obviously something that Edward had not wanted him to see...and it seemed he had guessed that perhaps he had read more than he had....but he wasn’t going to tell him anything....he didn’t have to tell him.
As Edward held out his hand, waiting somewhat impatiently for the papers he moved back a little further, his look of shock becoming a little more serious.
“...brother.....” he said quietly, eyes lowering for a moment before he looked back at him, that serious expression remaining as he fought with himself mentally. He wanted to ask him....he wanted to, but he knew...he knew in the back of his mind that the anger would be worse, that it would all come crashing down on his head....but he didn’t care....he wanted to know, he wanted Edward to confide in him.
“Why....why are you writing about home?”. He had said it, the question that had been burning his mind for the last few moments, nagging at him, there would probably be little response to it, but the worry that was building inside the young teen was too much to bare at times....he just wanted to help.
Why couldn’t Al just give the papers back? It was none of his damn business as to what was written on those sheets, if Edward had wanted him to read them then he would have told him so… Though a question arose in his sleep bleary mind, had he read them? It was a thought that literally caused the blood to drain from his face. If Alphonse had read them then he would know what ailed the older youths mind. In that rough scrawl lay the very record of the plague that assailed him. How could he explain it to Alphonse? He couldn’t, there was no way he could describe something that not even he himself was able to understand. Though by some small mercy it seemed the younger brother had only selectively read the word ‘Amestris’. Perhaps something could be salvaged from this, if only the damn fool would give him his papers!
“Give me it…” He didn’t bother to answer the question, all he wanted was the papers. True it had been foolish to leave them strewn around the floor for anyone to read, but he hadn’t exactly intended to fall asleep like that.. In the future he’d need to be more careful, if Al did manage to get his head around it he’d see what a monster his brother had become… He could not allow that, Al wouldn’t understand it, thus he could never know. For both their sakes it was better if the fool just let it go, let it go and allow things to continue as they were. Granted Edward was struggling, every day seemed to be twice as hard as the last. It was the way it was though, Al just had to damn well accept that.
The younger Elric kept his eyes lowered for a long time, not wanting to see his brother’s expression....the silence that came....it chilled him enough so that it sent a shiver down his spine and he shuddered slightly. It wasn’t the same as before, merely a silence that Edward chose to hold over him, no, there was something different. It was like the calm before the storm, when it was peaceful, before the storm would sweep in and destroy everything....was that was this was? The calm before Edward blew up in his face....perhaps, and he knew if he did, that at least on some level it would be his fault, he admitted...he pushed him sometimes, trying too hard to gain something from his brother, and though something rarely came of it...he refused to give up.
Grey eyes trailed up to stare at Edward, widening somewhat as he saw the paleness of his cheeks...what? He looked to the papers that he held against his chest then back at his brother, seemingly understanding what was going on...was...was he afraid that he had read them? So, that was it, he really was hiding something from him. At his brother’s request Alphonse lowered his head seemingly thinking, this was, this was the only thing he had, to get his brother to say something, the only leverage he would ever have....would it be wrong...to use this moment? Perhaps, but for the time being rational thinking had left the younger Elric’s head, all that concerned him was finding out what was wrong with his brother, whether he wanted to tell him or not.
“N-no....” he said quietly, stammering slightly as he swallowed hard, his breaths become a little laboured as he felt some minor panic again.
“Not...not until you’ve answered my question...”.Clenching an auto-mailed hand a deep-set frown set in… Al, was trying to blackmail him? It seemed the younger boy had changed, he doubted the old Al would have done something like this, not when it was so painfully obvious that this whole thing was ripping into Ed’s sanity like a ravenous wolf into meat. Edward knew full well though that this shift had likely been brought on by his own change, it seemed that even without alchemy he had the ability to change things about him. He didn’t want to do so though, he just wanted this stupid thing over and done with. He wanted this whole nightmare to end. In his mind it was all a sleep depraved delirium, it was becoming ever harder to separate the facts from the deception. Sometimes at night he could have sworn the torment he’d seen was real, that the blood was there before him, and that those who he had once cared so deeply for were hurting far more than he was now… He could never help them though…
“Give me it,” he snarled.
“Before I make you.” One more chance, one more chance before things spiralled into a pit of lost control. Within all truth and honesty it wasn’t that Edward desired to hurt Al, had there been another way open to him he would have taken it. Those papers though held on them a punishment far worse than anything he himself could deliver, even by the laws of equivalence the secrets those papers held were ones of a most terrible nature. Al could never know. The golden-eyed man knew this, thus he saw no other option than this one. As much as he would regret it (for he would regret it deeply) he would use any force necessary to retrieve what was his.
Alphonse shook somewhat and it was a great effort of will to keep it from being too noticeable, he could see it in his brothers eyes, that anger, and frankly it scared him. Edward had always had a hot temper, that much he was used to, but it had been getting worse since they had moved to England, in fact everything seemed to have gotten worse. Their relationship was slowly dissolving, and that in itself was upsetting for Alphonse, his brother was everything to him, the only family he had left, but it seemed he was losing him to, no matter how hard he tried to keep a hold of him...he still seemed to be drifting away. He tightened his grip on the paperwork slightly, locking eyes with his brother now as he tried to keep himself focussed, that niggling voice in the back of his mind telling him to back down...to forget about it, but how could he? How could he continue this way?
Never once had Edward threatened Alphonse, at least not in this manner, of course, there had been fights even before all of this, but none of it had ever escalated to this point. Alphonse could feel his heart in his throat practically, thudding away with rapid intent, he was scared, he admitted....but he wasn’t giving in. With a show of utter defiance, Alphonse shook his head from side to side eyes closing momentarily before he looked back at Edward. The tone in his brother’s voice had told him everything....this was it wasn’t it, where he made the final decision of what would happen. There was a brief moment of checking either side of him with his eyes, glancing sideways...if he had to he would move, he had a clear run to his room, but Edward would most likely be quicker.....but still, even if his head was telling him to flee...his heart was saying to stay...and fight.
There was perhaps a moment in which Edward’s heart clenched as his brother pulled the papers close to his chest, in that moment he wanted to explain the pained illusion that solitary blackness brought him. It was but for a moment though and like the lightest of winds brushing the grass in a ripple it was gone, replaced by a searing anger at his brother’s pigheaded stubbornness. This could have all been so easily avoided; all it would have taken was for Alphonse to give back that which was not his to begin with. If that had happened there would have been no escalation, but no, Al wanted to know what was wrong. To a manner Edward could understand, Alphonse was worried, thus he pushed for answers. At a previous time in their lives the younger Elric would have no doubt got them, now however he got an arm swung his way whilst the other, the right as it happened, grabbed the paper firmly and pulled. It would end one of two ways, the paper would be torn in half or Edward would end with it all, either way he was content....
No. That was a lie. Edward was hardly content; he’d just struck out at his brother... Within all respect the swing had not been hard, more than anything it had been more of a distraction than anything meant to harm. The fact was still in existence though that he had just lashed at Alphonse, how could he have done that over something as inconsequential as a piece of bloody paper?!
“Al I’m....... No....” Putting a hand to his head he frowned in obvious discomfort, he was such a moron.
“I... I didn’t... You should have bloody well let go!” He had been forming an apology, yet Edward had never been good at said act even before his haunted mind started to twist his very thoughts. Still, he was sorry, surely Al knew that... Right? Perhaps once upon a time he’d have known, perhaps he would simply see his brother as the monster he had become from his nightly pestering. Huh, much like a werewolf the night was causing changes to him. Perhaps he should go lament to the moon; at least it wouldn’t push him for answers that he had no desire to give.
Alphonse should have expected it perhaps, in some ways he knew his brother was a different person...that he wasn’t who he used to be, the way he treated him of late was testimony to that...but still, if he was honest, he really hadn’t seen it coming. It all happened too quickly for him to comprehend it, the sharp slap to the side of his head shook him enough to make him relinquish his hold on the papers as his brother tried to snatch them from his grasp. Unfortunately, whilst that slap was not meant to harm him, it knocked him of his senses for a moment and he went down on the floor, sitting there looking somewhat bewildered. Edward......he’d.....he’d hit him? He wasn’t sure if he believed it himself, and only the throbbing of his head gave him any clue as to what exactly had happened. Alphonse’s hand moved to tentatively rub the side of his head, and he winced slightly....there was going to be a bruise in the morning that was for sure.
Alphonse looked up at his brother finally, his hand still held tentatively to the side of his head as he watched his expression changed, whatever else his brother had intended, it seemed that this was not the first thing that had come to mind, and for a moment, he swore he saw a hint of remorse....but it seemed to vanish quickly, and the demon that had taken over his brother emerged once more, shouting at him. Hadn’t he been punished enough? The younger Elric lowered his head again, his fringe covering his eyes, he could feel them...the tears welling inside him, wanting to fall, but he held them back, sitting there shivering slightly.
“.....I’m sorry brother.....” he said quietly, his voice shaky, catching in his throat as he swallowed hard. Edward was the one who had struck him, and yet here he was apologising, what for? For wanting to help his brother? For wanting to get to the bottom of what was making him act so differently? If that was something he should have felt sorry for, then maybe it really wasn’t his brother standing before him now.
No! Al wasn’t the one who needed to be sorry, damn him, why did he have to be so soft? He wasn’t the one who’d struck out at his only remaining family; he wasn’t the one who was changing into some warped figure from some haunted nightmare. If anyone was to be sorry it was Edward, yet through his own weakness he couldn’t bring himself to utter those two simple words. To this respect Alphonse held a strength beyond that of his brother, Al could do what his older brother could not. It was because of this, that Edward was envious of him, jealous. At one time he’d have never brought himself to such a thing; Al had suffered so much more than he himself, yet now......now Edward would have given anything to have his brother’s strength. However never would he desire to swap places with his brother, because then... Because then Al would be as broken as he now was... A shattered hope and hollowed remnant to what had once been. Whilst it should have been an apology that Edward gave it was not.
“Whatever” he grunted dismissively, before turning away and clutching the paper to his chest as if his life depended on it.
Alphonse’s shaking worsened as his brother spoke, yet somehow there was anger as well as that sadness, so much so that at this point he was having difficulty telling why he was shaking so badly. Slowly the younger boy stood, getting his balance easily, keeping his head lowered, even though he knew that Edward was no longer facing him...he still didn’t want to look at him for the moment, not sure where his emotions would take him. It had been building for a while really, that tension between them, luckily nothing had ever come of it other than a shouting match, and now this minor incident....that was the reason he was afraid of his brother, the fact that he was so unpredictable of late, his reactions seeming to be fuelled by nothing but rage, a rage that Alphonse simply could not figure out.
A partial sigh left his lips as he finally allowed himself to look up from the floor....he was glad that he was no longer facing him, glad that he couldn’t see those tears that threatened to fall from the corner of his eyes, and yet Alphonse’s face did not look sad, it was calm, expressionless. It was funny really, how all of this had been blamed on him, admittedly he should not have tried to force answers from his brother...he knew that all too well, but he was not the only one to blame, after all, it was Edward who had left his ‘precious’ papers lying around allover the floor, what did he think would happen? Some of that guilt he felt lessened, his left hand balling into a fist as he felt a slight surge of anger, why was he always the one apologising? He swallowed it down, swallowed the whole situation down, hiding it, keeping his feelings at bay, it would do little to become angry, and truthfully, that feeling, for him at least would pass.
“I’m going to the library” he said rather sharply, his voice holding that edge of anger that still dwelled within him, as he walked out into the hallway, grabbing his coat from the peg by the door, draping it over his right arm before slipping his shoes on, a sigh leaving him before he opened the front door, only to slam it hard behind him, at least that....relieved some of the tension.
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