Alphonse Elric

[Alphonse Elric]

12/03/1925

I don’t understand a lot of things lately, it seems like everything is getting on top of me, but I guess that’s to be expected with things the way they are at the moment. It’s difficult sometimes, I still think about home, and Winry, I sort of miss the times we had together, back when we were kids....I guess I just miss her a lot, especially with things the way they are between brother and me. I’m not really sure what it is....it’s almost like....he doesn’t want to acknowledge me, like if he doesn’t answer me when I try to talk to him, I’ll go away or something, he really has been avoiding me a lot. I don’t really know what I’ve done to make him mad at me, I don’t think I’ll ever know, but.....it hurts, sometimes. When he does talk to me, it’s only to shout at me for something, or asking me to pass something to him.....I don’t understand it at all, brother and I have always been close, but it seems since we moved to England, we’ve drifted further apart. I don’t know what to do....I just want my brother back....

[Alphonse Elric]

November 1925

What defines an argument exactly? And when does an argument become a fight?

It all sounds so stupid in my head, I hadn't exactly thought Ed was going to be awake when I got home, and honestly I hadn't intended on staying out so late, it wasn't deliberate, but for some reason Ed seemed to think it was.

I could have handled things better maybe, I don't know, for some reason I wanted to be flippant, I wanted to be disobedient....for all of five seconds, I have to admit, it's not something I'm overly good at. I'm the quiet one, that's always been my lot, Ed was always the loud obnoxious type, and I always sat back unless he got too out of hand, to be the voice of reason and calm him down. I'm not sure why I spoke to him the way I did to begin with, maybe I was sick of things being so abnormal, maybe I was tryng to get a response out of him...but it didn't really do anything.

I probably would have calmed down a lot quicker if he hadn't tried to make things out to be my fault, seriously, did he honestly think I'd just sit back and take it when he accused me of avoiding him? ME avoiding HIM, that just wasn't funny, considering how hard I've tried to talk to him, hell, I was the only one who was trying to do ANYTHING, he seemed happy enough to just sit there in silence. Sufficed to say...I didn't really appreciate that part.

I could have stayed out all night, I could, just stayed out in the street or something...ok, maybe not out in the street...it was raining, not exactly the weather to be outside...but I would have found somewhere. I could have just not come home, what would he have done then? No...that would have been selfish, I couldn't do that to him...even if I think he would have deserved it.

I apologised again....I'm always doing that it seems, but I couldn't stay angry anymore, I just didn't have any fight left in me, at least for tonight. I told him I'd wait, and that I wouldn't bother him about things anymore....that seemed like something I said without thinking, why did I make a promise? I didn't need to, I've made enough promises, the only person who never keeps promises is Edward...no, maybe that's a little unfair, he has kept promises in the past...after all...I'm here aren't I?

I'm not really sure where I think this will get me, I guess I just felt the need to write things down, I can't honestly say it's made me feel better...I feel a little warm if truth be told...but I think that will pass, it's probably just because I got wet, it's no big deal...though I wish Ed had let me out of the room quicker. I suppose I'm going to have to think of a different strategy to confront him...but I'm not exactly sure what else I can do, I made a promise after all...and I'm not usually one for breaking them.

Maybe things will look better tomorrow....