Post by rosi on Jan 3, 2010 2:12:45 GMT
I'm very unsure of what to do. It's an uncomfortable feeling; like wearing wet clothes. I should be happy. The crisis has been averted. The world is safe. My friends are safe. My country is safe. These things should make me happier than they do.
The Elrics are gone. Of course, disappearances seem to be completely normal for them, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It’s always hard to lose a comrade. I feel like I did when we lost Maes. It’s a dark, hopeless feeling.
After all, the Elrics are now dead to us. Not that we want them to be; no. We’ll never see them again as long as we live. The gate has been closed. I sealed it shut myself. I know, as everyone else does, that there is no going back. There’s no way that we can just magically make them appear. Believe me, I would if I could. In a heartbeat, I’d bring them back.
They were friends; almost like family to me. It was like they were my boys, sometimes. I watched over them like a parent. I celebrated their triumphs, mourned their losses, and did everything I could to smooth the way for them. Of course, I could only do so much, and everyone must face some trials. But I really did try to help them.
Now they’re gone. It still doesn’t feel real to me. It’s like I’m numb; as if I’ve been dunked in cold water. The flame has gone out again, and all that’s left is a trickle of smoke.
I’m in Central now, and I must find lodging for the night. In the morning, I’ll figure out where I’m going, and what I’m going to do. In all honesty, I’m not sure I can go back to that outpost in the North. The freezing cold was all-encompassing, smothering. It choked what little fire was left in me, and killed what determination I had left.
God, just please don’t make me go back to that apathy. I don’t think I can take that anymore. I think I’ll see if they have a place at a desk-job here in Central, or maybe in the East for an old dog like me. Maybe things will work out and I won’t have to go back. I already have all my belongings here with me anyway.
Sometimes I feel like a monk who’s taken a vow of poverty; I have so little. Not that I’m complaining. I’m still atoning for what I’ve done, and the pain I’ve caused. Besides, a regular member of the army doesn’t make much at all. I’m really not sure I can afford even the cheapest of hotels here in the city. I don’t have much money; I took a very low-paying job as a part of my penitence. At this point, that seems like one of my stupider ideas.
I have to go find a hotel or something now. Perhaps Riza will know of some place. She’s always been so good to me.
The Elrics are gone. Of course, disappearances seem to be completely normal for them, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It’s always hard to lose a comrade. I feel like I did when we lost Maes. It’s a dark, hopeless feeling.
After all, the Elrics are now dead to us. Not that we want them to be; no. We’ll never see them again as long as we live. The gate has been closed. I sealed it shut myself. I know, as everyone else does, that there is no going back. There’s no way that we can just magically make them appear. Believe me, I would if I could. In a heartbeat, I’d bring them back.
They were friends; almost like family to me. It was like they were my boys, sometimes. I watched over them like a parent. I celebrated their triumphs, mourned their losses, and did everything I could to smooth the way for them. Of course, I could only do so much, and everyone must face some trials. But I really did try to help them.
Now they’re gone. It still doesn’t feel real to me. It’s like I’m numb; as if I’ve been dunked in cold water. The flame has gone out again, and all that’s left is a trickle of smoke.
I’m in Central now, and I must find lodging for the night. In the morning, I’ll figure out where I’m going, and what I’m going to do. In all honesty, I’m not sure I can go back to that outpost in the North. The freezing cold was all-encompassing, smothering. It choked what little fire was left in me, and killed what determination I had left.
God, just please don’t make me go back to that apathy. I don’t think I can take that anymore. I think I’ll see if they have a place at a desk-job here in Central, or maybe in the East for an old dog like me. Maybe things will work out and I won’t have to go back. I already have all my belongings here with me anyway.
Sometimes I feel like a monk who’s taken a vow of poverty; I have so little. Not that I’m complaining. I’m still atoning for what I’ve done, and the pain I’ve caused. Besides, a regular member of the army doesn’t make much at all. I’m really not sure I can afford even the cheapest of hotels here in the city. I don’t have much money; I took a very low-paying job as a part of my penitence. At this point, that seems like one of my stupider ideas.
I have to go find a hotel or something now. Perhaps Riza will know of some place. She’s always been so good to me.